Being Mean

From thrifty to frugal

There are few more impressive sights in the world than a Scotsman on the make

- J.M. Barrie

"Teabags are re-used 23 times in Scotland"

Did You Know? In reality, the Scottish man or woman gives more to registered charities per head of population compared to any other part of the United Kingdom.

There are so many miserly jokes about the Scots - it drives us to despair. This feeling is similar to finding yourself in a round room and being told to uncover a penny in the corner. We've heard them all before.

Copper wire was invented by two Scots fighting over a penny. They heat knives in Scottish restaurants, so you don't use too much butter. A Scotsman never buys an address book. He scores out the people he doesn't know in a telephone directory. Scotsmen started wearing skirts because it was free for women to get into the football. To avoid paying his fare, a Scot invented hiding in a train's toilet. A Scot diving in a puddle to retrieve a five pence piece created Loch Lomond. The most common ailment in Scottish hospitals is backache caused by locals stretching for their wallets. A Scotsman goes to a wedding with elastic on his confetti. If a Scotsman takes a coin out his sporran the queen blinks. A Scotsman invented a cure for seasickness. He leant over the side of a boat with a ten pence in his mouth.

This type of 'jock jibing' is what we've put up with for dozens of years. Thankfully the Scots are a well-balanced species - they have a deep-fried chip on both shoulders.

A Scottish newspaper reported: Two taxis collided last night. Three people were seriously injured. The other twenty-two escaped with cuts and bruises.

The tag of being stingy was probably derived from the day to day reality of having to be careful with our food and possessions. For centuries Scotland was the poor neighbour to England (the 'auld enemy') and the Scots had to be canny to survive. In this day and age, Scotland has a reputation as a hospitable place full of bright cheery people. Where was this myth conjured up?

"A Scotsman finds a lost penny"

Did You Know? The Bank of England and the Bank of France were founded by Scots, William Paterson and John Law respectively. Mind you, it was an Englishman (John Holland) who is credited with the formation of the Bank of Scotland.

Scotland had to ban pay-as-you-leave buses when two passengers were found dead on the top deck.

In Scotland the Scottish joke is replaced by the Aberdeen joke. A favourite saying used to be, "It's so quiet, it's like Aberdeen on a flag day" - the flags relating to pins (stickers in this day and age) given out when money is dropped into a collecting tin. On the other side of the coin, the streets in Aberdeen are jam packed on 'house to house' collection days.

Did You Know? The term 'Scot free' has nothing to do with frugal Scots. The meaning has changed over the years. The word 'Scot' is an obsolete term for payment. For example, to avoid being fined in court would be getting off 'Scot free'.

My favourite Aberdeen story concerns a lady (with short arms and long pockets) who dropped a two pence piece in front of a bus. She jumped in front of the vehicle to retrieve her money and was killed outright. As she was only twenty years of age there was a post mortem examination carried out - revealing she'd died of natural causes.

A farmer and his family were trapped in their house in mid winter during the height of a severe blizzard. You could hardly see the building for snow. The Red Cross arrived by helicopter to save them, the chopper landing on the roof. One of the rescuers shouted down the chimney, "It's the Red Cross. " There was a pause for a few seconds before the famous reply, "I bought one last year." Now, considering our contributions to various charities over the years, this tale pours a large cauldron of bubbling porridge on yet another Scottish myth.

Telephone - Alexander Graham Bell. Television - John Logie Baird. Penicillin - Sir Alexander Fleming. Chloroform - Sir James Young Simpson. Steam Engine - James Watt. Fax machine - Alexander Bain. Pneumatic tyre - John Boyd Dunlop. Logarithms - John Napier. Tarmacadam - John Loudon McAdam. Waterproof cloth - Charles MacIntosh.

Scots and money go hand in hand. Born of a Scottish father in the British Colony of Nevis, West Indies, Alexander Hamilton (1755-1804) was the first US Secretary to the Treasury. Also of Scottish descent was James Pollock (1810-90), who is responsible for inscribing "IN GOD WE TRUST" on US coinage.